Saturday, December 3, 2011

Turning Loose and Letting Go

When we were at Camp Tallowood, I realized that it was easier, when going to our team site and recreation activities, to walk over rough areas and keep my balance if I used a walking stick.  That definitely proved beneficial when we had night activities or walked a longer distance.  But it took a while for me to get to the point where I was willing to use a cane to help with walking “In real life”.  To this day, I still have the generic kind you can buy at the pharmacy because I did not want it to seem like it was a permanent fixture.

Then I came to the day that I had to make a decision about riding in the wheelchair.  We had gone to College Station for a Texas A&M football game.  As my symptoms of MS increased, it was getting more difficult to watch the Corps step off from the quadrangle, follow them as they marched through campus, go into the stadium to watch as they marched in review, go outside the stadium to watch E-2 (Brad’s outfit) meet at Reveille’s grave, and then go back into the stadium to watch the game.  I might add that I was taking pictures, or getting Larry to take pictures, all along the way.  The wheelchair had been in the back of the car for other games, but I did not want to use it.  One day, it was really warm.  I took a big breath, sighed, and told Larry I would try using the wheelchair that day.  Oh, my!  It not only saved time, but also energy, and was much safer when in crowds.

Then there was the walker.  I don’t know why I rebelled so much about using a walker.  Maybe it was once again pride.  A lady at the gym had a walker and the trainer had me use it to see if it made it easier to walk.  It has been amazing to look back and see the freedom, balance, safety, and independence the walker has provided over this year.  Besides all that, I can move lots of things around with the walker.

Pride, comfort, trust, and security in what I was accustomed to had the potential of keeping me from trying and accepting what in the long run was better for me.  That may be OK for canes, wheelchairs, and walkers, but it’s not when it comes to what God has in store for me.  There are times, I know, when God has had His “next provision and blessing” ready for me to take, but has had to patiently wait for me to get to the point of letting go of the old so that I can grasp and take hold of the new.  And it is always much better and worth it.  Praying and hoping those times are getting fewer and further between.

Psalm 9:10
Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.

Psalm 28:7
The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.

Psalm 31:14
But I trust in you, O LORD; I say, “You are my God.”

Jeremiah 17:7
“But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him.

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